why teenage daughters cannot accept their mothers to date?

Arya Asked: why teenage daughters cannot accept their mothers to date?

Hello everyone,
I am a mother of two teenage girls and am having an issue recently, My daughter is just 17 and wanted to move in with with a guy which I did not accept and told her that i would not support her idea as it was too immature. I had been in abusive relationship which she witnessed all these years. Now, I am getting out of this relationship and started to date guys for a while (just meeting for a cup of coffee or talking on the phone to see if that person is right for me) , nothing more. She is getting very jealous and not accepting me dating guys. what is wrong with her? she says that she accepts my actions if I accept her actions. But, she is very young and is not ready to make any decision to move in with a guy that she hardly knows. Besides, I am not moving in or planning to live with any guy. Advice me please.

Answers:

craig b Answered:
Your daughter only knows you as one person – MOTHER!

Not tramp, not slut, not whore.
And this is what you are showing her.
It doesn't matter that you're not doing anything sexual. BUT YOU ARE!
You are doing things with GUYS!

And she knows what goes on. She does not like you being the same way she is. You're supposed to be "MOM", not some kind of competition.

Thomas Answered:
No child wants their parent to have any involvement that takes away their attention and this applies even at much older ages than you would think.As far as her actions go – if she cannot get your attention with good behavior then she will get it with bad because even negative attention is better than no attention.

In addition child resent the Intrusion of any person in the place of their parent – sure her dad may have been an abusive jerk but she still loves her father and accepting anyone else seems disloyal.Worse it spoils the idea if only a fantasy of their family becoming whole and supportive and healthy.Adult children hold onto these fantasiessometime til the parent dies finally removing the idea that they every might have had the relationship the child longs for.It is one of the sad and lasting effect of divorce

Topaz Answered:
She's rebelling.

Don't let her do this. Moving in with a guy and getting preg and not having a job spells disaster. Tell her you see her future and it's not bright with this arrangement.

Tell her you know how she feels about you dating. And if it's not feeling good for her, then Mommy, don't date.This is a tough time for you both now.You both need healing since your last horrid relationship and she needs her mommy now.

It's time for both of you to get close. Do shopping together, show her how to cook, etc.Learn from her and she learns from you.

Leave guys out of your lives for now.

James Answered:
Your daughter is acting like a brat because she is not getting her way. Underlying that there is probably a little insecurity about some of your attention switching to a new partner.She resents you finding a little freedom when she considers herselfas restricted. 100% agree she's too young.

Ignore the bible thumper calling you a slut, considering what you have been through the willingness to go on a date shows your strength of character and ability to move on.

Cant offer a way to make your daughter see reason, but dont put your life totally on hold for her. It's going to be bumpy for a while but I wish you all the best for the future.

jude Answered:
your child is selfish and you deserve a life too.
Neil Answered:
Volunteer at a charity, or go to church.

You life has basically gone stale, because there's no input, you need to get moving again, contribute to others, take the spotlight of you, and on somebody else.

That will get the juices flowing again, after which everything will become a lot more clear. Don't get too hung up on College/Uni BTW, people make a big deal of it, but being a go-getter, without a degree, will still beat out, any properly educated graduate, you just go hard.

First get started though, you need to be active, and contribute, after that things will fall back into place.

Mehhatetyou Answered:
All you need to do is try. I know it's hard to over-come your depression once you've got it (mine ended up to the point of suicide), but you have to try and be as happy as you possibly can. Don't think about your worries in life, because they the things that are making you feel put-down in society.
I used to have a friend. She was absolutely horrible. She did things to me on purpose whenever she was jealous, she laughed at my shame, tried to point out how imperfect I was, ect. This is what triggered how put-down I felt, but I was still a good friend to her.
I let our friendship drag along in the dirt. I finally had enough and started to ditch her at school for other friend's that were a big support and that could bring me out of my shell again.
I'm saying that you need to see what makes you happy, yourself, and embrace it.
Don't see your imperfections, because we all have them.
Go out on a run, let your emotions flow. I usually go to the cliffside or just the beach and let it all out there, it's relaxing for me.
You really just need to be comfortable in your own skin.
You DO have a future!
When you meet a girl who likes you for you, who knows, maybe you'll get married and have a couple of children!
Erase anything from your life that is a major let down for you.
Try to get as involved as you possibly can, plan to have a night at the bar, pub, anything you like, as long as you're active and interacting with people who can make you feel much better about yourself.
I swear, friends can change a lot of what your intentions are, they made me more happy, self-confident and appreciative to myself.
Go out every once in a while, maybe a walk to cleanse yourself of depression of dark feelings.
Yes!! Try getting into education again!
Do anything that interests you, the world is your oyster (however they day it, lol). This will give you an outlook of getting to meet new people and gaining self-confidence.
I say you get out there, who knows, in twenty years time you could be a world famous movie director or singer. icon smile why teenage daughters cannot accept their mothers to date?
And I swear (the last time), that friends and people really do make a difference.
Good luck.
kr8 Answered:
Thanks for being confident enough to post this for other people to read!I hope you feel a bit better just by venting.My advice to you is to get a job for now, it will open more opportunities for you, since you will be gaining work experience, socializing in order to get your work done, and earning money which you can then decide what to do with and which will also make you feel much more independent.Working with your family is still working, if you feel they are offering you a job only to help you then simply get the experience, write down their names as recommendations, and find a job elsewhere afterward!I wouldn't suggest going back to school without a specific study in mind just because you feel that's what other people your age are doing.Save up some money and take your time deciding what field you would enjoy working in.You're worrying about too many things at once and I would be overwhelmed too if I had all of those things on my mind, so the solution is to take a step toward where you want to go.Right now you say you feel "pathetic" because you are 23 with no stable job, and desperate for work… seems to me you should only have one goal at the moment and ignore all else, find a job!After taking a step forward a large chunk of your worries will diminish, you will have more confidence in yourself and your abilities after you get out of your stand-still life, and you will be excited for another goal eagerly expecting more fulfillment after achieving the next. Be patient and try to enjoy the little things while working toward your goals as well.
elove Answered:
before you think of anyother thing to do,first,find what makes you happy.use that thing to get back your confidence,and with your confident back,i assure u,u will weather the storm……just try and be happy…because life is too short,and more too precious to waste it on idleness………….go move the mountain and weather the storm my friend.good luck
Pavi Answered:
Gah. I'm in the same boat almost. I'm not going to get best answer for this but jus wanted to stop here to say you're not alone!
Asaboutk Answered:
What do you want out of life. You know. Get to know yourself first before finding the other half.Once you have established that you can take steps to getting what you want.

Put yourself in places where you can meet people. Be yourself. Ask your friends how they do it. Educations and career wise what do you now want to study. Do some research. Many people used to be in similar situations and have now overcome they explain, www.findinganswers.tv/?page_id=704 Get to know yourself first before finding the other half. Have a good week.

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