Should I tell my boyfriend I was raped?

Asked: Should I tell my boyfriend I was raped?

I'm a 15 year old girl, and my boyfriend's 18. And please don't give me crap about his age okay? I mean, I love this guy, we've been together for two years, and he's the guy for me.Anyways, we started having sex a year after we started dating. I knew he wasn't a virgin, and I didn't care. I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself, so I lied to him. I told him I was a virgin, even though I wasnt. I didn't exactly lose my virginity under good surcumstances, and it was just something I was afraid of talking about. I actually lost my virginity because I was raped when I was about 10 years old. I never told him because I was just afraid, and I was afraid of what he was going to think of me. So I ended up messing up by lying to him by telling him I was a virgin.

He envied me to stay over at his house for the night yesterday. Everything was just fine. I mean, we were in the middle of "doing it" when something happened and just brought me back some really bad memories. I couldn't hide it, my facial expression just changed! He asked me if I was okay, I didn't say anything, so he got off of me. He asked me if he did something wrong or if something happened. I just said "I don't want to talk about it." then he tried to snuggle, and I told him to leave me alone. He just said "Well, okay babe, I'll sleep on the floor tonight." So obviously I treated him like crap. Now I feel like I shouldn't keep hiding my past from him, because I'm not being fair to him. I'm also afraid he won't forgive me for lying to him though. I lied to him the entire time, so what if he doesn't forgive me? I just love this guy so much, and I don't want to lose him! This guy does anything for me, he treats me great, and he's the only guy I've ever dated. I just don't want to give up a good relationship just because I have skeletons in the closet. I just really need some guy advice!….. So should I tell him the truth? Or should I just leave things the way they are?


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